Life without her...

Well, it has been a while since I've seriously blogged. I guess the act of me putting true feeling and emotion down has been a scary one simply because I'm unsure of how I truly feel 99% of the time. Right now I'm struggling with lack of motivation. Also, I can't get enough sleep. I sleep 12 hours and feel like I could lay back down for 12 more. It's not that I'm lazy and just want to lay around, it's like a physical force that will not let me get out of bed.  I don't feel like anyone understands me nor do they know how to be there for me.  I don't even know how to tell them to be there for me.  That independent girl that could take on the world all on her own no longer wants to be alone for even 5 minutes.  It's the weirdest thing and all I want is to get past it. 


 A friend told me recently in a discussion on depression, "I get down sometimes and wonder if I'm depressed and then I remember The Gospel."  I haven't forgotten the Gospel and the power that saved my soul.  I know all of the answers, I just don't know how to get up from this place I'm in.  I heard a song yesterday that I've heard before but it never hit me quite like it did that day.  

The pathway is broken
And the signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to

No I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet
So if all of these trials bring me closer to You
Then I will walk through the fire
If You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When You lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'll never go alone (yeah oh oh)

So when the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the sufferin' Your love put You through
And I will walk through the darkness
If You want me to

'Cause when I cross over Jordan, I'm gonna sing, gonna shout
Gonna look into your eyes and see you never let me down
So take me on the pathway that leads me home to you
And I will walk through the valley if you want me to

Yes, I will walk through the valley if you want me to

Lord, I don't know what you're doing but I'll walk through the valley if you want me to.  I love you and I trust you.  Restore my joy in you, Sweet Jesus!  

<3 C